where memories go to die.

I didn’t plan to do anything that I’m currently doing.

Well- good news: I got a promotion. I’m now the Manager of Annual Giving in University Advancement. This is one of those things that happened quickly – but in my mind, oh-so-slowly. 

So I sat down to think about when I departed from all of my other career plans, if you can call them “plans” rather than whims that flew by as quickly as winter in Orange County. At first, I wanted to be a lawyer. It was glamorous, high paying, and fast-paced. Then there was the kindergarten teacher phase. Yup, I thought people would trust ME with their children. Mostly, I thought it would be cool to “play” all day. Ditched that and went back to the lawyer.

I wanted to go to Notre Dame: chose Chapman. I wanted to study abroad in Italy: chose to stay home and work in student government. I wanted to go straight to law school: chose the work force. The first two jobs I applied for said no to me, so there was no choice there.

While attending the 2009 Commencement at Chapman, I couldn’t help but put myself back in the black gown and mortar board, sitting on the zip-tied, white chairs in the middle of the football field. I vividly remember all of the things that I was thinking – most of the words that were said – and walking across the stage to shake hands with the boss, Jim Doti (for whom I would later work as an office assistant in a transition summer job). I allowed myself to daydream and take a quick journey back over my last year.

There are so many chance meetings, casual conversations, and unremarkable things that happened to me which, at the time, I did not appreciate or see the value therein. One such chance meeting landed me my current job. Another unremarkable thing further forged a friendship that I will have for the rest of my life. Lots of casual conversations taught me lessons that I will not soon forget.

It is with all of these unremarkable things that I will associate the most pivotal moments in my life thus far. How many more of the same unremarkable things will happen to me in the next year? It is quite overwhelming and exciting to think that it’s not only the overwhelming and exciting moments that make a seemingly common existence rather uncommon.

A lot is going to happen in the next few months- my best friend is getting married, my work is sending me out on “business trips,” and my mom’s man-friend (he’s not really a boy if he’s 40) apparently needs to “talk” with my brother and me. Sure I think about these things while they are still weeks and months away, but I suppose it’s more important to really digest them while I am going through the experience. I certainly don’t want the things I simply forget to outnumber the things I value.

I’m not doing what I set out to do. But I am setting out… and I am making sure to take notes along the way.

life updates

Hi! What’s up? That was rhetorical.

FYI-  Sylvia Plath’s son committed suicide today. Extremely sad… but that guy never had a chance.

In a completely logical sequitur, I thought now would be a good time to segue back into what the original post did – talk about my life, my friends, and what’s going on. The blogosphere is the perfect place for self-indulgence of this kind: I spend time writing about me assuming that other people care… so here we go.

1.) As has been my MO for a while now, I’ve been kickin it with my buddies Gabriel Garcia Marquez and John Steinbeck – they communicate much more effectively than my roommates, so I thought I would share a couple quotes from Marquez.

“The heart’s memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good; thanks to this artifice, we manage to endure the burdens of the past.”

“…human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but that life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.”

I think these are both important and relevant to my life because I could benefit from a little bit more compassion, a lot more optimism, a dash more patience, and a sliver of regular, introspective signal-calling.

2.) Within the past couple weeks, I’ve had three visitors roll through the Pagoda: Blake, my large brother, and Rachel and Christina. All three were big reminders of what I miss about Arizona and why I need to go back soon.

3.) We’re closing in on 100 days to Teren’s wedding. I’m pretty excited about it. If you haven’t looked at their website yet, check it out: www.briannaandteren.weddingwindow.com (foreshadowing: long website name to save/hoard (all of the) money). I suggested that Teren let each of his groomsmen write a piece about his friendship with the groom-to-be. Since he declined, I thought I would share with all of you, instead: “When I met Teren, he was fat, angry, and Jewish. Now he’s just Jewish… and a real one, at that. He and his dad just got a letter from Costco notifying them that the company would be monitoring the Shaffer family returns (apparently using televisions for a year or more and then upgrading isn’t what the return policy had in mind). He also reads from the Talmud every night after he comes inside from the western wall of our property…” You know, something that really lets people into the world of Teren Shaffer as I know him.

4.) Trent and Amanda are doing well- they’re almost done with their insane testing!!! Only one more to go. I’m pretty happy about this because once they have official licensing, I can be one of their first customers… a lifelong business partnership in a world that values bottom line over enduring relationships.

5.) I had popcorn this weekend and remembered why I hate it… You try to be an equal opportunity guy and buy some popcorn from the Boy Scouts because you bought cookies from the Girl Scouts. What do you get? A $6 box of kettle corn that gets stuck in your teeth and fills your body with butter, like Julia Child. Also, the options they gave me were ridiculous – so many flavors to choose from… why? The bearcub den master who thought up this scheme must have been the love child of Bertie Bott and Orville Redenbacher. Geesh.

6.) I made a deal with Jenn that we would help each other not buy anything that wasn’t necessary. You know, the weird thing aboud having a job and regular income is that you feel like you have no money and lots of money all at the same time. It’s just that your stash is spent in larger quantities at higher frequencies.

7.) Tomas and Kevin are still alive. Kevin had an interesting encounter with alcohol for his 22nd birthday and Tomas had an interesting encounter with a job- as in he got one. We’re all now employed and share stories about the people with whom we work. Our conclusion: the job market is tough, but if every employer fired the useless people, all us people willing to roll up our sleeves and work would be employed and making cash money.

8.) If you haven’t seen it already, check out the posted videos of Delta Tau Delta’s skit night performance…. why go back to amateur night when you already have Broadway? Completely blew my mind and I couldn’t be happier for a group of guys.

Takeaway lessons: keep your head out of ovens, stay away from boy scout popcorn, and never, ever trust anyone from Long Beach.

grandma part 2

Good news- Grandma strikes again.

I’m going to try something a bit different because I don’t really feel like I can do this justice without just going straight for the quotes… so here we go:

Ryan: … I’m planning Teren’s bachelor party.
Gma: Why are you doing that?
Ryan: Because it’s my job as the best man… I think we’re going to Vegas.
Gma: Well, don’t go to Mexico. There’s drugs. And what is this party for?
Ryan: It’s Teren’s last days as a free man before he goes back like a black in the 1800s, nah mean?
Gma: His girlfriend is making him do that? Why does she want the party to have pilgrims?
Ryan: I’m not sure Grandma.
Gma: I feel really sorry for that boy.
Ryan: Oh yeah? Why, Grandma?
Gma: Well, he’s just too young to get married. I see bad things in his scope.
Blake: What do you mean scope?
Gma: You know what I mean… there’s just things in his future.
Blake: What about my scope Grandma? What do you see in my future?
Gma: Well (Grandma starts lots of sentences with “Well”), I see good things… as long as you keep believing what you believe and doing what you do.
Ryan: What about my scope, Grandma?
Gma: I hate to say it… you’re right in the middle.
Ryan: Ohhhhh. Good…. Well, since Teren is the lowest down, maybe we should bring him over and have you bless him.
Gma: No, I don’t think he wants to be blessed.
Ryan: Yeah he does, you just have to do it in the name of YHWH.
Gma: He can’t be blessed. **She stops here and just makes a cup motion on the crown of her head to signal a yarmulke. 

So, tonight, grandma was in psychic mode. She has predicted the future outcome of three people and out of the group, Blake came out on top. Pretty good, right?

climb a mountain and turn around.

Landslides (shout out to Stevie Nicks… HEEEEYYY!) are generally not caused by shoddy craftsmanship, just forces of nature. And when you graduate from college, the forces of nature come crashing down.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend last night in which I was completely blindsided by the content… 8 months worth of content. The basis of the conversation was the idea that I have “changed” in the last year. Assuming that anyone in the world reads this… if you’ve graduated from college and feel like you’ve changed or that your life has changed in at least a few ways since the party days at your alma mater, can I get an AMEN?

It was a little surprising to me that, rather than being a little bit inqusitive and asking, “What’s going on now that you’ve graduated? What are you up to? Is the work world a lot different than college?” I get the, “You’ve changed…” Well stipe me black and white and call me a zebra… damn right I’ve changed.

One of the worst responses in the world starts, “You’ll understand when…” It drove me nuts when my mom would tell me, “You’ll understand when you have kids.” I wanted to ask, “What am I waiting to understand? Has your current ability to explain things in plain English evaporated since your last sentence? Can I get a little hint of what I’m waiting for… this cryptic understanding…”

But guess what? I had to use it in my response to, “You’ve changed.” I had to say, “You’ll understand better when you graduate…” After thinking about it, I should have said, “You’ll understand when you have to pay your own bills… when your parents credit isn’t checked for your rent, your credit is checked… when you have to be at work from 8-5… when you have to live in a world of 40 and 50 year old professionals…. when you have pressure to get a deal done worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. You’ll understand….” I also wanted to indicate that I’d love to talk again (and I’ve felt this about a lot of people) when mom and dad don’t pay for things you do… or when you have car payments that come in your name and not Mom’s… or when responsibilities are old grandparents and not who is going to be the designated driver.

To me, life is a lot about taking on constant change; fighting it is futile and being swept away at its slightest ebb or flow is just too easy. Taking it on is about grappling with decisions, accepting that things just don’t come in a pre-destined sequential order, and, often its just about keeping your head above the water… sometimes, floaties just aren’t available. I’m not going to get it right everytime nor am I going to be so foolish as to keep doing it wrong – and whichever way that scale tips, I’ll be happy to explain the thought process along the way.

I think after college, the friend circle downsizes. You realize who you’re going to be sitting next to at the 10 year reunion… and then again at the 50 year reunion. Some things are just that transparent… and it’s because those are the people that take the time to ask questions, to genuinely consider the answers, and to - at the very least – understand the processes and circumstances of change.  Brazen statements have their place, but silence and introspection rarely receive their proper pedastol.

So maybe I have changed… but one part hasn’t: I don’t hold back punches; and if you want to get in the ring, I hope you’ve trained. Uppercuts leave marks.

are we having fun yet?

Very rarely do I find reason to write two days in a row.

It turns out that our staff meeting yesterday provided me with a gem of an opportunity. The meeting was of my favorite variety: you think you’re just going in for a routine development assistant meeting only to realize that there are staffing changes and a nice little message going up the flagpole to the top levels.

First and foremost, the staff change: our Datatel assistant will no longer be with us. She is moving over to the department of dance (please see previous post about pink shirts and yogurt to tell how I feel about this).

More importantly, our associate director, Ken, is making a sincere effort to improve communication and retention in our department. To his credit, I think a lot of the right moves are being made (more on that at a later date). He decided, however, to gauge how people perceive the fun level in our office and what we could do to improve communication, training, and, yup, you guessed it: fun. Ken left the room so it could be totally anonymous and we all rated fun on a scale of one (being not fun at all) to ten (the most fun an office can be); we averaged out at a 3.3.

SURPRISE!!!!! 

This brings me to something with which I have been struggling to understand for a long time… why do people ask questions to which they do not want truthful answers? It seems to me that, no matter what questions one asks, the inquirer should always be prepared for an array of answers. Clearly, for a person who answers the question, there are diplomatic ways to handle oneself. Nine out of ten times, though, I would venture to say that the answer has just been wanting the question to come… kind of like Jeopardy.

We engage in a numbers game when we ask questions – answers could come out a few different ways. Mostly, however, these ways are predictable. You may be smart, but if you’re not prepared, you will be surprised, discouraged, and at a loss for words, all in one.

a penny for your thoughts.

I love ripping apart two-cent shrinks.

My day tends to consist of the same types of things, including reading the Yahoo! and CNN ‘front page’ at about 9:40am every morning. Each Monday and Thursday, Yahoo! puts up a ridiculous article about relationship advice. If I move through the news quickly, I will generally read this section as I eat my morning snack (it’s really hard to type with apples in your hand). One of the main contributors to this section is a 42 year old woman who has a degree in psychology (conflicting sources suggest that it is either a bachelors AND Ph.D. or just a bachelors). This woman looks like she has had lots of plastic surgery and internet research claims that she has been divorced two times.

Let’s think about what listening to this woman means- you’re depending on the advice of someone with very little self-esteem (lots of plastic surgery) who has had AT LEAST two failed relationships. This lady, through the wonders of the internet, is now telling you how to govern your own relationship- without knowing anything about it. In essence, she is giving you all of these things to think about and manuever around that eventually, you’re going to go nuts psychoanalyzing everything.

So guess what that means: I’m going to become my very own two-cent psychologist. I figure I’m just as qualified as that woman (minus the plastic surgery) so here we go… (disclaimer: don’t listen to me either).

1) Relationships are like my golf swing. When I get on the golf course, I tend to think too much. There are so many things that I know I should do in my swing to make it good. The problem is that if I try to think about these things all in one dive at the ball, the results will be miserable. How am I going to fit all of those things in two seconds? Translation: If you’re over-analyzing what you are going to do, you’re probably missing some very obvious signs of what you should do. Taking those signs and running with them are key. 

2) Change is about the reaction. Many times I find myself doing really dumb things. Last night, in fact, I decided that I was pretty mad about dropping something… so I then hucked it across the kitchen where it broke into lots more pieces. Jenn and Teren both just kinda looked at me and asked if I wanted help cleaning it up – I said no, so they just sat there and continued their own conversation. Translation: I got mad for about 2.5 seconds then realized how much I compounded the problem. If either of them would have gone off on me about how dumb I was, it would have resulted in an argument that would have become much larger than me just having to clean up the kitchen. The initial action guides decision making very little; with the reaction, you have the power to guide the course of the following conversation or request. Think about reactions very carefully before you go crazy. If you need further illustration of really poor reactions, check out this.

3) Why would you think that? A lot can be said about body language and facial expressions. In fact, I’m certain that a lot of relationship “discussions” are based off these two things. Translation: Dave Chappell, a man who I would normally not take advice from, said something interesting regarding what you’re putting out there in a number of ways. To summarize, he makes fun of women who dress really trashy but then get mad when other people refer to them as tramps or some equally negative words. He goes on to say that he wants to dress up like a police officer and walk around the streets of New York to, all of a sudden, see a robbery. When people walk up to him and say, “Officer, please help us!!!,” he would respond, “Why do you think I’m a police officer… just because I’m dressed like a police officer doesn’t mean I am one!” You say a lot without opening your mouth.

4) You’re not an expert! One of my favorite things to do in restaurants is look around at all of the dates. You can always pick out the ones that are early in their relationship by the ways in which they move around each other and how they talk to one another. When I’m close enough to hear, I like to listen in and hear absolute train wrecks of conversations, normally caused by some guy spouting off about something that he knows very little about. Translation: Why are you trying to impress a girl with conversations about the law case that you’re going to make $100,000 off of? Chances are, unless she is involved in the same profession, she doesn’t give two shits. Better idea: ask her questions so you’re better prepared for date number 2, or 3, or….? Even better idea: those questions that you ask her should already be questions to which you already have good answers. When people are still a bit uncomfortable with one another, or even in casual conversation, the “What about you?” tends to be over-used. If that comes back to you, it should be a home run, no questions asked.

5) Man communication is bizarre. I’ll give in to this one – I see it in myself and in my guy friends who are in relationships. The ways in which we communicate are odd and completely different from women. Translation: A guy is more likely to show you he’s sorry than to say he’s sorry. Should that get him off the hook for verbalizing those words? Absolutely not. But, if you’re not 100% satisfied with the apology and you want him to gush about it (maybe like your best girlfriend would), don’t hold your breath. Wait a week or so and see the change in behavior. I promise, it’s coming, even if it’s in small things like bringing you some coffee on a morning when it’s going to be a long day.

6) Identify your deal-breakers. There are a lot of things about whoever it is that you’re dating that probably get your goat. In fact, they may be things that drive you crazy… but do they outweigh the good things? Translation: This one is simple: if it’s not a PATTERN of behavior that is just not negotiable for you, it’s probably not a big deal. Maybe a conversation topic, but nothing to sound the alarms about… again, the reaction and approach is key.

7) Be original. Translation: For the love of YHWH, don’t do what everyone tells you that you should do as a consumer, e.g. buying a dozen roses on Valentine’s Day and going out to an expensive dinner. Lots of messages are given out if you do these sorts of things: you’re not intelligent enough/don’t care enough to do something a bit out of the box, you would rather have other people (the chef, the valet, the flower people) put in the effort rather than you, or that you care too much about what other people think to move outside of the norm. I like to rip on Valentines Day, but this holds throughout the year. Do different things, give a chance for new traditions to be established, and most importantly, show that you care enough for the best-intentioned plans to come out perfect or go up in flames…. appreciation for care and originality will be duely rewarded, and you can take that in any way you want.

Those are my thoughts that you probably shouldn’t listen to because I am not qualified to write about such things…. except for number 5. If you decide to listen to me and it ruins your relationship, I would appreciate if you never tell your significant other where you got such ludicrous ideas.

not your average joe.

My grandpa got rushed to the ER last night.

A man who never complains told my grandma – very calmly, I might add – to call 9-1-1. It turns out that he has an intestinal blockage, probably caused by the abdominal surgery he had to undergo about four years ago.

From my earliest point of memory, I have always been taught to trust in the medical system that has been built in this country… you know, all of the doctors that spend four years in undergraduate science hell and then seven more working obscene hours and studying when they should be sleeping. But there is just that nagging uncertainty that something could go wrong. Or, what if they do find something seriously wrong - I mean, the guy is 83 and he has Parkinson’s; chances are, they probably would not do any sort of more complicated procedures. It scares me and I’m not even the one going through it!

Doesn’t scare Grandpa Joe, though. He is relatively unphased by anything that has to do with medicine - he goes to the doctor’s office when my grandma yells (yes, yells) at him to get into the car, he takes what seems to be a meal of pills every six hours, and he plods along with the most assuring of dispositions. When I was heading for the door after one visit, he picked up his cane (which he rarely uses even though the doctor tells him to) and walked out with me – I assume so he could inspect my car a little bit and make sure I was taking care of it. On the slow walk out, he simply said to me, “Well, here’s hoping that when I see you tomorrow everything is still attached…”

Spending time with my grandpa really puts knowledge into perspective. I went through four years at Chapman trying to study and gain all of this “knowledge” for further application. Not an ounce of what I learned can help me fix my car or my refridgerator, cheat the cable company and install my own stuff so I don’t have to pay their installation fees, or build my own entertainment center without really getting any instructions. Shakespeare doesn’t help with house upkeep. Locke can’t repair our sprinkler system. My Grandpa can do all of that though – and he did so for as long as my grandma let him. He’s like the Mexican, 20th century version of Leonardo di Vinci or something – minus the whole flying contraption situation.

With all of his world knowledge and practical knowledge, he is one of the few people that has never said the words, “Well, you’re young…” as an excuse for anything – he has never reminded me how much I have to learn – and he has never tried to impart a strong opinion or make a decision for me. He kind of teaches just by living.

As he was being carted out by the paramedics, he told my mom, “Could you make sure that you sleep in the same room with your mother tonight… to make sure that she is ok?” It is in these moments that you learn what life is supposed to be filled with- love, not money; companionship, not acquaintances; dedication and integrity, not self-absorption. I guess he showed how to give a Valentines Day gift with meaning… every day of his life.

We can’t choose when these sorts of things happen – we can’t choose how they happen – and we can’t choose to whom they do not happen. But we can choose how we decide to react and live from that day forward.

Today is one of those plodding days… like walking with a cane.

10 commandments.

We have lots of “procedures” at work.

In fact, most of them contradict one another seven times over and spin me around in circles. Take this one- we had a fire safety drill. Our ’safety marshalls’ (you can tell which people they are because they’re the ones that get the hard safety hats, jackets, and clip boards – all of which I’m sure they’ll remember as they run out of the building) are supposed to calmly escort us out the back door, through a fire-proof hallway, and outside around the back of the building. OOOPS!  We forgot- there are bushes in between the building and the chain-linked fence – everyone run through the very large, very sharp foliage quickly!!! It won’t hurt, I promise!

….. 10 minutes later, we are all out of the building, tinted green from the leaves,  and cut up. But thankfully, the imaginary fire from which we were running didn’t get to us. 10 minutes! WHAT THE HELL?! In theoretical speak, I’m dead. Our safety marshalls are dead (but their heads were preserved because of the hard hat and mask, so they can have an open casket funeral). Our building is burned.

So, I got to thinking… what if I could make up the rules at my work? Nothing like, “Ryan is in charge!!!” but more of an authority to write some day-to-day procedures.

#1) Thou shall not leave your shit in the copier. Yo- I don’t want to run around the office trying to figure out who left the copy of their supply order form in the machine. You completely defeat the purpose of a copy if you leave one behind – you still only have one!!!

#2) Thou shall not ask me to tell my girlfriend things. If you have something to say to her or give her, CALL HER. First thing first: I don’t go around telling you to tell other people things for me. I go find that person and tell him/her myself. Second: most of the time, I don’t care about the stupid shit you want me to pass along… and neither does she!

#3) Thou shall only take one grip of M&Ms per day. There’s a very kind lady that brings in M&Ms for the office and she fills up her little jar whenever it is empty. Sometimes, I never see certain people from my office unless they are coming to get candy. Here’s a tip: your M&M intake should be directly proportional to your health; if your health is great, go for it – if your health sucks and you might die later this afternoon, YOU SHOULD NOT BE EATING HANDFULLS OF CHOCOLATELY COATED CANDY!

#4) Thou shall not talk to me in the work bathroom while I am peeing. I use the restroom two times per day at my office – yup, at the same times every day. There’s one guy who must be on the same clock as me but, by necessity, he needs to use the stall… if you catch my drift. Dude, I don’t want to talk to you while you’re on the other side of that wall.

#5) Thou shall not email between offices unless you need to send an electronic document. It’s about 12 seconds of walking time to get to the furthest office from my desk. Why should anyone have to email another person in the same office to get information? Our jobs are based off verbal communication – did you misunderstand that in the job posting or are you the one eating all the M&Ms?

#6) Thou shall not give me photos of your children whom I have never met. What do you want me to do with these? I’m 23, they’re clearly not my children, so I just look like a weird pedophile. Fine- I’ll indulge you. I’ll put them up on my cubicle wall so that everyone else can see them and ask me about them. What will I tell them? I have no clue because I don’t know your kids!!!

#7) Thou shall not kill. Yup, that one stays the same. Important.

#8 ) Thou shall not play your music for all to hear. If you have a tough time hearing, I completely understand that you may need to play your music a touch louder… have you heard of headphones? Also, adult contemporary music isn’t everyones cup o’tea. So if I consistently hear Melissa Ethridge and Sarah McLaughlin, I might come and disconnect your speakers while you’re at lunch.

#9) Thou shall not get into arguments by my cubicle. My cube is a peaceful area – I don’t get into arguments in/near it… neither should you. If you want to bitch out your assistant or work partner, by all means, please do. It gives me something to tell my bosses when we have our team meetings. But for the love of all things Jewish, don’t do it twenty inches from me! It’s uncomfortable for everyone involved and, most importantly, it’s uncomfortable to me…. the man in whose cube you are standing.

#10) Thou shall not create office posses. This one really gets my goat. There’s a little posse here of about… 7 women. WOMEN. Have you ever seen the men in your workplace huddle together around one computer to giggle and look at baby photos… then go to lunch together because the salads are too big at wherever they are going? NO NO NO. These women have three daily meetings- 9:15am, 11:45am, and 3:15pm. They always go to lunch together (inviting no one else in the office… because no one else… eats?), always whisper to one another (I’m really suspicious of whisperers), and are like the middle-aged, saggy, wrinkly version of ‘Mean Girls.’ Does that sound appealing?? MMmmmm.

Those would be my rules… at least for today.

the list.

It seems like everyone has done one of these… but me. So here is my list of 25 things that you may or may not know about me. All of them are serious… some of them are more serious.

1. I have always wanted a pet duck… and I want to name him Pato Juan Pablo Montoya. 

2. I eat the same thing for lunch every day: a cup of butternut squash soup, a salad (and by salad I mean lettuce, cheese, croutons, and dressing), a breakfast bar (…for lunch, may I remind you), an orange, half a banana, and a cookie. 

3. One of the hardest things I’ve had to try to understand/accept is when my best friend told me he had cancer. It has shaped what I want to do with my life.

 

4. I am rarely impressed or moved by “common” things that people say to me, especially when they are trying to make me feel better. The most important “common” thing I have ever heard is the following: “The universe doesn’t make mistakes.”  …and it doesn’t.

 

5. The thing I am most frustrated by is stupid people.

 

6. My first pets included a goldfish named Spud and a hampster named Bubbles. My brother had a goldfish named John; he joined Spud but was the first to “pass on.” He then got a really fat goldfish and named it Oprah. True to form, Oprah was a dirty, dirty whore who ate all the food, thus starving Spud and killing him.

 

7. I taught myself how to dance by watching music videos by Usher and trying to immitate the moves…. didn’t go so well, so I moved on to NSync instead. Lame, I know.

 

8. I like to drive with my windows down, especially in nice weather. So, if the weather is nice and my windows are up, it’s because I’m listening to Taylor Swift, Justin Timberlake, or something of the same grouping that may make me lose street cred.

 

9. I spent a day as Joe Biden’s personal host at a conference in Washington, D.C. To put it very nicely, it didn’t take all 8 hours for me to develop a deep dislike for the man.

 

10. I’ve read 32 Shakespeare plays. ‘Richard III’ is probably my favorite.

 

11. I’ve been to Italy and Israel and am beginning to think that I should go visit another country that starts with ‘I,’ India (mostly due to my compusiveness around alphabetization).

 

12. I never wanted to join a fraternity…. but I did in my sophomore year. It was one of the best choices I made in college.

 

13. I don’t think ‘The Office’ is funny in the slightest… but I think my office, with people who are actually trying to live a serious life, is HILARIOUS.

 

14. People whom I most admire: my grandpa, Joe, my mom, Marilyn Harran, Scott Sperry, and Leon Leyson.

 

15. My favorite: baseball team is the Angels, basketball team is the Suns, football team is the Cardinals, college teams are ASU, football player is Harrison Dull, drink is 7 & 7, Mexican is Blake, number is 2 (or 20), gambling game is roulette, candy bar is Butterfinger, golf course is Dobson Ranch.

 

16. If I need to talk something out or get some advice, I’ll always go to Blake (my favorite Mexican… and my brother) before just about anyone. In his few words, he’s quite wise.

 

17. The only thing that actually scares me is not living a happy, fulfilled life.

 

18. My thinking spot throughout high school was on the runway of the small city airport in Chandler after 10pm. No planes could take off or land after that time… so I just sat alone on the runway. That is where I made the final decision to go to Chapman.

 

19. The biggest year of growth in my life came during senior year of college.

 

20. The following are songs that ALWAYS get me to sing, no matter what: A-Milli, It’s Raining Men, Mo Money Mo Problems, Benny and the Jets, Piano Man, Pour Some Sugar on Me, and anything by Mr. Big.

 

21. I’ve gone through life “knowing” what I was going to do: go to Notre Dame (nope!), studying abroad in Italy (nope!), go to law school after college (nope!), and not living in Orange County after college (nope!). 0-for-4 is a really bad percentage…

 

22. On my Outlook calendar at work, I schedule something for every minute of my day. My bosses make fun of me.

 

23. As long as I live in/near Southern California, I will buy a Disneyland pass… it is by far the best stress reliever I have ever encountered and has given me some of my best memories throughout my stay in Orange County.

 

24. Best and worst summer of my life: between sophmore and junior year of college. The same summer when I had such a good time with my Chapman friends, doctors found leukemia in my best friend.

 

25. I only do things like this when I have super writer’s block and can’t think of anything that I want to write about in a serious blog. No need to worry though, I’ve been spending significant time with Grandma, so something is bound to spur my speedy little fingers.

**To avoid confusion, this was posted at 2:00pm… yup.

eat your peas… and pay your amex

Growing up. You just never realize how long it really takes.

I spent four years in college and the price tag of that education was a pretty damn nice BMW each year. I was involved in a lot of activities; in fact, for the last two years of college, I would say too many. I double-majored and took one full year’s worth of extra credits in four years. I went to different countries, sat at dinner tables with world-renowned lecturers, and studied under some of the most remarkable people I will ever meet.

… and I know shit about going through life as a twenty-something.

Today was the deadline to turn in my benefits/retirement plan enrollment packages. Actually, last Monday was the deadline and today was the, “If you don’t turn it in, you’re waiving EVERYTHING for a year.” I’m not really sure what to call that; maybe the, hey-buddy-I-have-this-stick-to-shove-up-your-ass deadline. I got two manila envelopes full of information- HMOs, PPOs, 403bs, 401ks, and the list of numbers and abbreviations goes on and on.

I can rattle off the definitions and I can recite the differences backwards and forwards. But it is a totally different ballgame when you have to choose those sorts of things for your livelihood – all by yourself. Going through this made me understand why there are so many people in the world that make their careers out of doing this kind of work for other people – no one is masochistic enough to do it themselves. Generally, I wouldn’t be, either. I’m just too poor to pay. Ah, yes. Yet another benefit of graduating: being poor! (Note: I jump on silver if I see it on the ground)

Looking back to high school, I remember the uphill hike that was applying to college. My mom was always asking whether or not I had completed applications, whether or not I had worked on FAFSA, whether or not I had taken a look at decision packets. Scholarship applications? Didn’t even do one until my mom threatened me with my golf clubs. I can imagine that, in my senior year of high school, I tested my mom’s patience more than any other year of my life.

Now, I don’t have anyone pushing me to do anything- not to go to work, not to fill out benefits packets, not to assist in cleaning the house, and certainly not to pay my car, insurance, phone, rent, or credit card bills. No one thinking about the possible pitfalls that lay ahead. And the only person who is getting their patience tested now is me. There’s no class that teaches someone how to get the boot from campus living and take on the world by himself – no guide  I can find (and I’ve looked) that gives me a comprehensive look into all of my new responsibilities.

We live, we die… and in between there is this never-ending, sometimes painful, sometimes joyous, process that quite literally takes everything we have to get right. But along the way come moments of revelation and appreciation, the kind that is most genuine and deserved.

That scholarship application that my mom made me fill out… it paid for college. Thanks, Mom… for lots of things.