one flew east, one flew west

Craig’s List is the new Pendleton Psychiatric Facility.

Ken Kesey would have a field day with these people and he wouldn’t even need all of the crazy drugs to help him write this book. Granted, it’s hard to write a new book when you died in 2001… But that aside, let’s talk about some of the fantastic things I have found on Craig’s List this morning.

1.) In the “Strictly Platonic” section, one female decided that she was looking for male companionship… wherever that may take the two of them. She, like everyone else, is looking for a like-minded person who may be in the same place. Apparently, that place is right in between Funkytown and Happy Trail Road: “Herpes, fit, attractive, and fun looking for the same.” As a 6th grader, I learned all about personification, but in my many years as a student of English, NEVER have I seen herpes personified… nor have I seen herpes on a search looking for more herpes, apparently. But, back to our subject: doesn’t she sound like fun?

2.) Our second post today is a man in search of a woman. In his post title, he proclaims, “I have no reason to exist.” Just in case you’re interested, he’s 25 and from “the OC.” If you don’t catch him on Craig’s List, don’t worry, he has made future plans to get to know you: “See you in hell or the psych ward… whichever comes first.”

3.) The last – and my favorite – post today comes from a “Gay male seeking a gay male – platonic only.” Luckily, I caught this gem before someone flagged it for removal. I’ll include a snippet of this man’s post: “Interests include dinners, movies, politics, amusement parks, clubbing, hanging out, anal sex.” First off, I was wondering when anal sex became a “platonic only” activity. Am I missing something in my friendships, here? Second, I’m all about honesty… but there may be some things that you should save for a second date, yes?

So, as you can see, my inspiration today comes from our friend, Ken Kesey. He was on some major drugs, had tons of sex partners at the same time, and wrote things that incited much of the population. But, the beauty of this wonderful country, now 232 years old (reminder: completely arbitrary date as to when white people decided that they wanted to be in charge and take land from others… don’t worry, this doesn’t still happen), is that you can do all of that and still be a part of the PTA. Yes, Ken Kesey was a member of the PTA in Oregon until his death in 2001. So, my fellow Americans, let’s not give up on these crazies… In the words of Stephen Colbert, “I am America. And so can you.” God bless the PTA. God bless Oregon. And God bless the U – S – of – A, the only country in the world who would allow Ken Kesey anywhere near children.

One flew east… one flew west… there’s a shitload of people flying over the cuckoo’s nest.