hey, remember me?

The holidays. Months of preparation and they are already gone.

I get so excited for the holidays. I expect so much out of my time off, my time with my family and friends, and my time back in Arizona. This season was one of those ‘reflection’ periods in my life and, not remarkably, it was the holidays that caused me to consider some of my relationships. I think this holiday season brought me more than I bargained for, though- in terms of information gained, thoughts processed, and ideas developed.

When you start a relationship with someone – and when I’m talking about a relationship, I mean any sort of continued, congenial (con… as in “with” meaning the other person is putting something in, too) effort, not just a lovey-dovey thing – there aren’t really any expectations as to how or where things will go… and it often gets off to a fairly inauspicious start.

While in Arizona, I was able to meet up with some of my friends from high school. We spent four years growing up together… and then spent another four years growing up apart. Everyone is generally where I expected them to be- all successful in college, all moving into careers or graduate schools that seem very promising. But every time I go back, I see fewer and fewer people – while I’m in California, I get fewer and fewer emails (and by that measuring stick, send fewer and fewer emails). It’s the great boil-down, the natural phase of just getting “out-of-touch.” So, sometimes, the people who aren’t at those gatherings are more noticeable than the people who are in attendance. And that is strange to think about because in five years, some relationships that are “strong” now will be in the same place- not around the table at the informal reunion.

It’s a bit frustrating to think that relationships have a usefulness expiration date (by the way- why is “a usefulness” not “an usefulness?” Microsoft Word messes with everything I thought I knew about grammar!!!). These sorts of things can’t really be measured in utility, but it seems like they are operated by that function- for example, how many times (due to Facebook or otherwise) has someone from whom you have not heard in four years mysteriously contact you, start up some small talk, and then ask you for something? Ah, you have once again become useful- that means you’re friends! Some people play checkers- if you’re not involved in the move directly before or directly after, it’s like you’re not there. And some people play chess- there is a purpose for EVERYTHING on the board, whether that be readily apparent or not. Some play checkers and some play chess- you never can tell where relationships are going to end up.

The holidays and the visits that accompany the season have provided a timely reminder that we should make sure that we are the chess players. For in all things – especially relationships – our beginnings never know our ends.