life updates

Hi! What’s up? That was rhetorical.

FYI-  Sylvia Plath’s son committed suicide today. Extremely sad… but that guy never had a chance.

In a completely logical sequitur, I thought now would be a good time to segue back into what the original post did – talk about my life, my friends, and what’s going on. The blogosphere is the perfect place for self-indulgence of this kind: I spend time writing about me assuming that other people care… so here we go.

1.) As has been my MO for a while now, I’ve been kickin it with my buddies Gabriel Garcia Marquez and John Steinbeck – they communicate much more effectively than my roommates, so I thought I would share a couple quotes from Marquez.

“The heart’s memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good; thanks to this artifice, we manage to endure the burdens of the past.”

“…human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but that life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.”

I think these are both important and relevant to my life because I could benefit from a little bit more compassion, a lot more optimism, a dash more patience, and a sliver of regular, introspective signal-calling.

2.) Within the past couple weeks, I’ve had three visitors roll through the Pagoda: Blake, my large brother, and Rachel and Christina. All three were big reminders of what I miss about Arizona and why I need to go back soon.

3.) We’re closing in on 100 days to Teren’s wedding. I’m pretty excited about it. If you haven’t looked at their website yet, check it out: www.briannaandteren.weddingwindow.com (foreshadowing: long website name to save/hoard (all of the) money). I suggested that Teren let each of his groomsmen write a piece about his friendship with the groom-to-be. Since he declined, I thought I would share with all of you, instead: “When I met Teren, he was fat, angry, and Jewish. Now he’s just Jewish… and a real one, at that. He and his dad just got a letter from Costco notifying them that the company would be monitoring the Shaffer family returns (apparently using televisions for a year or more and then upgrading isn’t what the return policy had in mind). He also reads from the Talmud every night after he comes inside from the western wall of our property…” You know, something that really lets people into the world of Teren Shaffer as I know him.

4.) Trent and Amanda are doing well- they’re almost done with their insane testing!!! Only one more to go. I’m pretty happy about this because once they have official licensing, I can be one of their first customers… a lifelong business partnership in a world that values bottom line over enduring relationships.

5.) I had popcorn this weekend and remembered why I hate it… You try to be an equal opportunity guy and buy some popcorn from the Boy Scouts because you bought cookies from the Girl Scouts. What do you get? A $6 box of kettle corn that gets stuck in your teeth and fills your body with butter, like Julia Child. Also, the options they gave me were ridiculous – so many flavors to choose from… why? The bearcub den master who thought up this scheme must have been the love child of Bertie Bott and Orville Redenbacher. Geesh.

6.) I made a deal with Jenn that we would help each other not buy anything that wasn’t necessary. You know, the weird thing aboud having a job and regular income is that you feel like you have no money and lots of money all at the same time. It’s just that your stash is spent in larger quantities at higher frequencies.

7.) Tomas and Kevin are still alive. Kevin had an interesting encounter with alcohol for his 22nd birthday and Tomas had an interesting encounter with a job- as in he got one. We’re all now employed and share stories about the people with whom we work. Our conclusion: the job market is tough, but if every employer fired the useless people, all us people willing to roll up our sleeves and work would be employed and making cash money.

8.) If you haven’t seen it already, check out the posted videos of Delta Tau Delta’s skit night performance…. why go back to amateur night when you already have Broadway? Completely blew my mind and I couldn’t be happier for a group of guys.

Takeaway lessons: keep your head out of ovens, stay away from boy scout popcorn, and never, ever trust anyone from Long Beach.

grandma part 2

Good news- Grandma strikes again.

I’m going to try something a bit different because I don’t really feel like I can do this justice without just going straight for the quotes… so here we go:

Ryan: … I’m planning Teren’s bachelor party.
Gma: Why are you doing that?
Ryan: Because it’s my job as the best man… I think we’re going to Vegas.
Gma: Well, don’t go to Mexico. There’s drugs. And what is this party for?
Ryan: It’s Teren’s last days as a free man before he goes back like a black in the 1800s, nah mean?
Gma: His girlfriend is making him do that? Why does she want the party to have pilgrims?
Ryan: I’m not sure Grandma.
Gma: I feel really sorry for that boy.
Ryan: Oh yeah? Why, Grandma?
Gma: Well, he’s just too young to get married. I see bad things in his scope.
Blake: What do you mean scope?
Gma: You know what I mean… there’s just things in his future.
Blake: What about my scope Grandma? What do you see in my future?
Gma: Well (Grandma starts lots of sentences with “Well”), I see good things… as long as you keep believing what you believe and doing what you do.
Ryan: What about my scope, Grandma?
Gma: I hate to say it… you’re right in the middle.
Ryan: Ohhhhh. Good…. Well, since Teren is the lowest down, maybe we should bring him over and have you bless him.
Gma: No, I don’t think he wants to be blessed.
Ryan: Yeah he does, you just have to do it in the name of YHWH.
Gma: He can’t be blessed. **She stops here and just makes a cup motion on the crown of her head to signal a yarmulke. 

So, tonight, grandma was in psychic mode. She has predicted the future outcome of three people and out of the group, Blake came out on top. Pretty good, right?

climb a mountain and turn around.

Landslides (shout out to Stevie Nicks… HEEEEYYY!) are generally not caused by shoddy craftsmanship, just forces of nature. And when you graduate from college, the forces of nature come crashing down.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend last night in which I was completely blindsided by the content… 8 months worth of content. The basis of the conversation was the idea that I have “changed” in the last year. Assuming that anyone in the world reads this… if you’ve graduated from college and feel like you’ve changed or that your life has changed in at least a few ways since the party days at your alma mater, can I get an AMEN?

It was a little surprising to me that, rather than being a little bit inqusitive and asking, “What’s going on now that you’ve graduated? What are you up to? Is the work world a lot different than college?” I get the, “You’ve changed…” Well stipe me black and white and call me a zebra… damn right I’ve changed.

One of the worst responses in the world starts, “You’ll understand when…” It drove me nuts when my mom would tell me, “You’ll understand when you have kids.” I wanted to ask, “What am I waiting to understand? Has your current ability to explain things in plain English evaporated since your last sentence? Can I get a little hint of what I’m waiting for… this cryptic understanding…”

But guess what? I had to use it in my response to, “You’ve changed.” I had to say, “You’ll understand better when you graduate…” After thinking about it, I should have said, “You’ll understand when you have to pay your own bills… when your parents credit isn’t checked for your rent, your credit is checked… when you have to be at work from 8-5… when you have to live in a world of 40 and 50 year old professionals…. when you have pressure to get a deal done worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. You’ll understand….” I also wanted to indicate that I’d love to talk again (and I’ve felt this about a lot of people) when mom and dad don’t pay for things you do… or when you have car payments that come in your name and not Mom’s… or when responsibilities are old grandparents and not who is going to be the designated driver.

To me, life is a lot about taking on constant change; fighting it is futile and being swept away at its slightest ebb or flow is just too easy. Taking it on is about grappling with decisions, accepting that things just don’t come in a pre-destined sequential order, and, often its just about keeping your head above the water… sometimes, floaties just aren’t available. I’m not going to get it right everytime nor am I going to be so foolish as to keep doing it wrong – and whichever way that scale tips, I’ll be happy to explain the thought process along the way.

I think after college, the friend circle downsizes. You realize who you’re going to be sitting next to at the 10 year reunion… and then again at the 50 year reunion. Some things are just that transparent… and it’s because those are the people that take the time to ask questions, to genuinely consider the answers, and to - at the very least – understand the processes and circumstances of change.  Brazen statements have their place, but silence and introspection rarely receive their proper pedastol.

So maybe I have changed… but one part hasn’t: I don’t hold back punches; and if you want to get in the ring, I hope you’ve trained. Uppercuts leave marks.