climb a mountain and turn around.

Landslides (shout out to Stevie Nicks… HEEEEYYY!) are generally not caused by shoddy craftsmanship, just forces of nature. And when you graduate from college, the forces of nature come crashing down.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend last night in which I was completely blindsided by the content… 8 months worth of content. The basis of the conversation was the idea that I have “changed” in the last year. Assuming that anyone in the world reads this… if you’ve graduated from college and feel like you’ve changed or that your life has changed in at least a few ways since the party days at your alma mater, can I get an AMEN?

It was a little surprising to me that, rather than being a little bit inqusitive and asking, “What’s going on now that you’ve graduated? What are you up to? Is the work world a lot different than college?” I get the, “You’ve changed…” Well stipe me black and white and call me a zebra… damn right I’ve changed.

One of the worst responses in the world starts, “You’ll understand when…” It drove me nuts when my mom would tell me, “You’ll understand when you have kids.” I wanted to ask, “What am I waiting to understand? Has your current ability to explain things in plain English evaporated since your last sentence? Can I get a little hint of what I’m waiting for… this cryptic understanding…”

But guess what? I had to use it in my response to, “You’ve changed.” I had to say, “You’ll understand better when you graduate…” After thinking about it, I should have said, “You’ll understand when you have to pay your own bills… when your parents credit isn’t checked for your rent, your credit is checked… when you have to be at work from 8-5… when you have to live in a world of 40 and 50 year old professionals…. when you have pressure to get a deal done worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. You’ll understand….” I also wanted to indicate that I’d love to talk again (and I’ve felt this about a lot of people) when mom and dad don’t pay for things you do… or when you have car payments that come in your name and not Mom’s… or when responsibilities are old grandparents and not who is going to be the designated driver.

To me, life is a lot about taking on constant change; fighting it is futile and being swept away at its slightest ebb or flow is just too easy. Taking it on is about grappling with decisions, accepting that things just don’t come in a pre-destined sequential order, and, often its just about keeping your head above the water… sometimes, floaties just aren’t available. I’m not going to get it right everytime nor am I going to be so foolish as to keep doing it wrong – and whichever way that scale tips, I’ll be happy to explain the thought process along the way.

I think after college, the friend circle downsizes. You realize who you’re going to be sitting next to at the 10 year reunion… and then again at the 50 year reunion. Some things are just that transparent… and it’s because those are the people that take the time to ask questions, to genuinely consider the answers, and to - at the very least – understand the processes and circumstances of change.  Brazen statements have their place, but silence and introspection rarely receive their proper pedastol.

So maybe I have changed… but one part hasn’t: I don’t hold back punches; and if you want to get in the ring, I hope you’ve trained. Uppercuts leave marks.